balance
after Danez Smith’s “it won’t be a bullet”
the dsm says bipolar breeds aggression. holy shit. i used to bite off polly pocket’s clothes & spit the slobbery rubber back in her face. i stripped barbie dolls bare and waterboarded their heads in the sink— egg-cracked faces like mine. jesus. christ. i couldn’t keep boyfriends. i’d squeeze their necks so they told me they’d never leave me. if my lovers’ heads fell off i treasured them in saran wrap & when i felt alone, i smothered their mouths in pill-blue lipstick. but i don’t want to be the classification or the canary will die before the rat is poisoned. i can’t eat the cheese. i’m lactose intolerant.
Haley Nicole is an MFA Creative Writing graduate student and an adjunct professor teaching first-year writing. Her work has been published in Sad Girls Club Literary Blog, Passengers Journal, and author Nora Baskin’s Blog. Haley writes about her experiences struggling with bipolar disorder from untangling trauma, accepting her diagnosis, and learning how to love herself again. She writes not just for relief and self-discovery but for those who have been exploited by bipolar stigma.