Today Sucks, Tomorrow Might Not

I feel as if there is something inside me.

Not in a parasitic or demonic way, but

something needs to come out.

I have been feeling a multitude

of spontaneous desires that feel deeply urgent.

These include but are not limited to:

singing, dancing,

talking to strangers,

reading, writing,

painting my nails,

walking, running,

driving at night,

crying, laughing,

screaming real loud,

loving and being loved,

making people smile,

breathing in, breathing out,

simply being alive.

On one hand, this is normal

for someone like me, a college student,

all youthful and naive and messy.

On the other hand,

spontaneity breeds recklessness,

and I do not like feeling

out of control.

There can be dark consequences

if one loses themselves in their

bright, blinding lust for life.

Yet the tradeoff

just might be worth it.

But how does anyone know what is right?

But how will I maintain the balance?

But how long will it take to get there?

Staring down the unknown,

I often get dizzy,

and all the possibilities

make me shake and sweat and double over with nausea.

One day, it might not be so bad,

and I will not be afraid

and I will fulfill all my desires

and what is inside me will be released.

There’s only one way to find out.