I feel as if there is something inside me.
Not in a parasitic or demonic way, but
something needs to come out.
I have been feeling a multitude
of spontaneous desires that feel deeply urgent.
These include but are not limited to:
talking to strangers,
painting my nails,
driving at night,
screaming real loud,
loving and being loved,
making people smile,
breathing in, breathing out,
simply being alive.
On one hand, this is normal
for someone like me, a college student,
all youthful and naive and messy.
On the other hand,
spontaneity breeds recklessness,
and I do not like feeling
out of control.
There can be dark consequences
if one loses themselves in their
bright, blinding lust for life.
Yet the tradeoff
just might be worth it.
But how does anyone know what is right?
But how will I maintain the balance?
But how long will it take to get there?
Staring down the unknown,
I often get dizzy,
and all the possibilities
make me shake and sweat and double over with nausea.
One day, it might not be so bad,
and I will not be afraid
and I will fulfill all my desires
and what is inside me will be released.
There’s only one way to find out.
Jackson Mott is planning on studying Sociology at the University of Michigan. His piece “Today Sucks, Tomorrow Might Not” was inspired by a suicide prevention advertisement, and the best and hardest year of his life. He enjoy being front row at concerts, South U Pizza, and telling people he loves them.